One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
