Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
