Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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