This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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