Pants 0. Shit 1.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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