He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Welp...herpes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
