apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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