Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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