she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
