i'm signing you up for texting rehab
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
