You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
