Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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