i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
