the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
