I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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