I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
