I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
