does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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