two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
