3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This girl is more easily done than said...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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