Plan B is the new Plan A
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
