Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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