How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
