so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
