My room smells like vodka and shame
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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