My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
