It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
