when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
