Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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