I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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