3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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