I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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