we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
