You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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