oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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