he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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