Don't make out with my wife yet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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