I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He? As in you personified your dick?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
