she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
