Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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