So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
