I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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