Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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