this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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