Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
