I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
