i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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