I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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