Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
