then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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