apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
