She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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