Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
