i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
