I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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