Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Screwed.edu
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
