I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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